i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
