Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
