I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!