Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?