no, he came in my armpit
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.