Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
