I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
