I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
