He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Farmville is her only friend.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
