life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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