Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just invented taco cereal.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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