it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
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that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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