drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
