Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
