I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
