I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
