good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
