Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
