You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
