the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
