I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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