At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
