my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
