Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think your dad took our porno
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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