Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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