just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
