woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
