We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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