where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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