zippers are such a cool invention
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
