ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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