I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
