ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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