Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize