He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
