u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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