I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
