the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
