Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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