see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize