They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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