She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
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hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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