I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
