so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
