sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
