I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I stole a fireplace last night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
