if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dick very happy bro
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
