One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
