Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
