distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
