There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Randomize
