So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
