Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
