I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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