she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
