Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
