i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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