They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
