That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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