some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
