just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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