Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
