no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Sober January is a disaster.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
