seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
