I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
