I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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