Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
