It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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