I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
