So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
