I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
