bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
