His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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