mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
