the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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