Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
