nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
