You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
