I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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