I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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