sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
