Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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