You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
